if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
