the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
