remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
