I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
