Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
