Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
