DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
