Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
