My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
