Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
