he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
