he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
