My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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