She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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