Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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