I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
