Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
