I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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