this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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