yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
