im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
