I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
