I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
