he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
