i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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