he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
