he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
