well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
