erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
