i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
