Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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