Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
