If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
