she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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