Sry I called you an 8
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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