I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
