I look better un-naked...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
