I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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