Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
