When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
