thus making me awesome and them whores
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
