I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
