I got chris browned last night
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
