i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
