Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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