I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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