why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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