I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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