There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
