HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
