I seem to have left my pride at pride
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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