butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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