Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
