dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
