At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
why do cheetos always look like penises
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Everclear isn't food dammit
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
