How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
