Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
