I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
