The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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