dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
