I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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