why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
