i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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